I purchased a newspaper at a local convenient store one day.
I got in my car and realized I had actually taken two copies. Worried that the convenient store clerk would have 75 cents deducted from her pay because of a discrepancy in the daily cash out, I returned to the counter and paid another 75 cents. I figured I might as well add to her sales output and not have a frowned upon 'return'.
So I arrive at work, 20 minutes early, fill my bottle with purified water apparently distilled by the company water fountain, and lay the two copies of the daily news on my desk. By 8:15am both copies are missing.
Not again! What's with these cheap fucking engineers: high technological wizards, electrical, hardware, software, mechanical, mathematicians, rocket scientists. They keep swiping my newspapers. And not only that, these guys are being paid for toilet shits and when I eventually get my newspapers back, each page has been spread wide open, page after page, aromas left behind by their spewing fart spats and bouquets of diarrhea.
Every single page has been violated, flipped over and plundered, section after section: Current events, the entertainment gossip, sports -- even my crossword puzzle has "12 down" smeared in green booger snot. The defilement didn't even stop at the Horoscopes. Moist fingers, brow sweats and finger licking, bowel grunts, thin toilet paper, long finger nails. Leftovers. I am so grossed out I can't eat my lunch and read my newspaper at the same time. My enjoyment of fresh ink doesn't exist.
But what's more disgusting is these same regular 'shit pushers' use my computer and type away on my keyboard, and after they've finished hitting my keys, they have left a distinct smell behind. I bring my fingers close to my nose and detect the smell. It's urine, fresh from the corners of my pages.
I hate these guys, but they pay me extremely well.
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