I'm Gonna' Kill Him....so there!

Hubby is a clean freak. He washes the Hummer every day...even in the winter. He washes the driveway, the curb, the crow cream off the basketball hoop. He won't take a crap without filling the toilet bowl full of paper first, thus preventing poop spatter up the rim.

He takes his shoes off at the door, he immediately showers after work, he trims his nose hair and performs eyeball exercises before bed, he's what most people would call "a flaming faggot". But he's not, no really, he's not. He's just a frickin' clean freak. I've come this close to going to jail over it, I swear, I'm gonna' kill him and his unscented farts.

Here's proof. I've discovered a new weirdness trait this weekend, one that pushes the limit of cleanliness beyond my patience and tolerance and where in the hell can I buy a gun. I swear.

We purchased a second garbage bin for the new trailer. One didn't seem to fit all the crap and muck under the kitchen sink, so we bought another bin for the toilet room. You know, because of the teenaged girls and their constant periods and hubby with his constant nasal congestion.

So hubby passes me the bin, "can you dump this out now", which he wants me to take to a huge garbage dumpster near our camp site. Again! I'm thinking, what can possibly fill up a toilet wastebasket so quickly. Hubby opens the lid and proudly displays a huge mound of toilet paper. Look what we've saved.

Huh? Saved what.

Aren't you putting your toilet paper in the bin?

What toilet paper? I nervously twitch with an already formation of an answer.

Hubby: I don't want you to put toilet paper down the toilet, look how much we have saved the pump, we won't clog the pipes, as he displays an apparent pissed stained array of toilet tissue clumps in our newly purchased bin.


But we buy the expensive stuff that disolves quickly.


Oh, for fuck's sake! Eewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Not that's just fucking weirdtardness.....

What do you do with the shit ones? I smirkly joke.

YOU SHIT IN THE TOILET???!!! You're suppose to go to the public ones!!! Hey, kids, where do you shit?!! as he runs to the pipe thingy out back, the shitter thing that drains down to some mysterious holding tank, far, far to the underworld.

Oh, no fucking way!

And then I realize why the toilet always seems to stink that special stink, that son of a bitch...making me do the arm pit test and the breath test....I'm gonna' kill him, I swear, I'm gonna' kill him.