Clint Eastwood Never Peed His Pants

It was a scorcher yesterday, a high plains drifter sort of thing, with the desert heat rising, a foggy mirage drifting towards the horizon, then, poof, he's gone. And it would happen, in the heat of anger, a child has left daycare, poof, melted by the sun. It was just that quick.

Here's how it happened.

I do a pretty good job running the daycare, taking care of little children, treating them as if they were my own. In fact, my clients praise me for my efforts and I am rewarded with long term relationships, a partnership of caregiving that allows me to see their babies grow and grow until the inevitable first day of school.

I know their children well. I was there.

One little guy is in the process of being potty-trained. He's about 2-1/2 years old and is being bribed to use the toilet. He went from diapers, to training pants, to big boy underwear within a month, poof, he's toilet trained. Or so his parents think.

One day he showed up at daycare in big boy undies because he's been using the toilet at home "all the time", and he gets presents, and if he pees it's just a little accident. At daycare it is not an accident, it's an unhygenic headache I have to deal with, keeping other children away from the puddle, finding the carpet and couch locations where he played, or sat, and peed. It's time consuming.

So I changed him, putting on his spare clothes his mother has conveniently had the foresight to bring, since I suppose their version of "all the time" really means "he's gonna pee because we brought extra clothes". And, yes, the cute little pugsley-wugsley peed again. Did we make a wittle mistake...a wittle waccident.

Listen here, high plains drifter, your little cowboy needs to wear training pants at daycare. You should have been there, it was like high noon had struck, itchy fingers dangling ever so closely to her gun belt, sweat sluggishly sliding down her brow, draw!

She shot me, screaming, "how dare I put him back in training pants over two little accidents, and how they worked so hard to toilet train him, and how unprofessional I am, and I'm going to make phone calls, and I'm going to report you, and your daycare makes my child ill all the time because of the other children, so an eye-for-an-eye, they can damn well walk in my son's pee". Well, that was the jest of it.

All the while I'm wondering who was this person, since I've never seen her act like this before, but I stood my ground, dug my spurs deep into the linoleum and told this imposter, no big boy undies until I am certain he won't pee on my carpets again. Another client was picking up his children and witnessed this whole ordeal, and so did all the little children nearby. It's not nice to yell at daycare, it's scary, it's tacky, it's having no regard for other people in an attempt to have it your own way.

In fact, I compromised. I was willing to allow her son to come in the next day wearing undies, but should he pee in them, I was going to put on training pants, not another set of spare clothes. I was being fair, I think, meeting her half way. But no, she stormed off, with little cowboy riding the reigns, with a training pant weighed down with urine.

Then the phone calls start coming in, late in the evening, by a husband who has heard her version of what happened, and he sounds tipsy, and I just hang up. Then she calls. Apparently, there's been a big miscommunication. Well, no actually, there's hasn't. You're still not going to have it your way, so fuck off.

I don't take too kindly to threats, you see, she said some dang good fighting words I am not willing to forget. After all, I took care of her son for well over a year, she didn't complain then. I hope she makes all her phone calls, as she attempts to hang my daycare high. I wish her well in all her endeavors, but I already know, there's no one, not one marshal in the land willing to shut me down over her son's tighty-whiteys.

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And just in case there's any confusion with regards to potty training, or any other rules and procedures I follow at my daycare operation, a "Parent's Handbook" is provided to all clients, via my web page. Here's my policy regarding big boy undies (which this client has broken on several levels)

"When you feel your child is ready for potty training, I ask that you begin this teaching at home. I will follow through and encourage your child while in my care. Please keep in mind that the activity level here can distract your child from responding to an urge to use the potty, more so than at your home. Therefore, I will continue to use diapers or pull-ups until your child can and will announce that he/she must use the bathroom (not just at home, but here, also) and can control his/her bladder and bowels for a few minutes beyond that announcement. When the child has reached this point, training pants may be used.

Do not bring your child in panties or underwear until he/she has naptime and bedtime control established.

I also ask that during toilet learning, the child be dressed in "user-friendly" clothing as much as possible. The best items are shorts and pants with elastic waists, or dresses for girls. Try to avoid really tight clothing, pants with snaps and zippers, and overalls as often as you can. Your child will want to help pull pants, etc. up and down, plus clothing with too many "gadgets" makes it harder to get the child on the potty in time."