Riding the White Saddle

There's two things in the world that can ruin a camping trip; 1) a menstrual cycle, and 2) someone elses menstrual cycle. Fortunately, these are far less annoying than watching two weeks of Michael Jackson tributes, which we missed by being at camp.

There were other issues that bothered me, too, such as women my own age who insisted on calling me "dude", and women who really didn't drink alcohol but insisted on throwing caution to the wind and experiencing it at my campsite. One woman in particular had an Italian mother-in-law, 70's, crusty and loud. She understood English but mostly spoke Italian and she was always pissed off about something. I soon discovered a nifty trick of blurting out "parmesan", which would ease the old bag into softer recipe chat.

My ex brother-in-law, Steve, dropped by one day with two of his buddies. One was clean and sober, the other was one eyed and toothless. By one eyed I mean he squinted, occasionally opening one eye. I played a mental game of watching which eye would open, left, left, sometimes right, left, but never at the same time. It helped distract me from his mouth and my sordid desire to ask if he can whistle. He told me he was a twin, but that his brother had died in the womb and how he can feel his twin still kick him in the ribs. I didn't have the heart to explain it wasn't the ghost of his brother but rather his liver and kidneys retaliating. Surprisingly, Steve has wonderful teeth for a drunk, but bad instincts for picking buddies. People can only stand a drunk for so long before hinting for their departure turned into "get the fuck out of here".

Sabrina's best childhood friend came to visit from Sudbury, Ontario and since we were at camp, they also had to camp, which isn't all that difficult with a 29 foot trailer with sleeping arrangements for eight, two plasma TVs, XBox, Rockstar, Nintendo 360, Ipods, Iphones, two playstation portables and a laptop. Yet her friend wanted to play the "drinking game" called FUCK YOU. Now, I have allowed Sabrina to drink in the past, one or two under the supervision of me or hubby, but none of the teens in our neighbourhood even considered making a game out of it.



Here's how it went:

The game is best played with four or five people and all you need is booze, cards, and a person to count time. Lay the cards out in four rows and four columns and then deal out the rest of the deck. The counter flips over the first card in the first row and column and begins to count to three and if players have the card that was flipped they call out fuck you (fill in the name of the person you want to drink) which inevitably would be Sabrina.
The trick of the game is to be the last person to get to call fuck you to a person. If a person calls fuck you after the counter reaches three he must finish his drink.

What a stupid ass game! I could barely tolerate it, since it broke the one or two drinking rule previously established. But not wanting to be prudish, they continued until it was time for bed, or until the booze ran out. The game was never played again after that because her friend was up until 3am puking her guts out in the bathroom sink.

"Dude" woman proclaims to be a witch and one evening she decided to give us all a chakra healing or reading. Chakras are energy centers along the spine located at major branchings of the human nervous system, beginning at the base of the spinal column and moving upward to the top of the skull. The primary importance and level of existence of chakras is posited to be in the psyche. However, there are those who believe that chakras have a physical manifestation as well, which explained why she kept groping hubby and the father of Sabrina's friend.

My son Brandon has a friend at camp and they've known each other for years and since we both have seasonal sites, they see each other almost every weekend. There are also other families around us we have known or are acquainted with. One family just finalized a divorce; she got the trailer, he got the boat and ATVs. With the division of property it seemed to have finalized their marriage, something I don't think she really expected, nor the rest of us and her subsequent fiery behavior.

So now there were FOUR women I tried to avoid, all apparently riding the white saddle. And that didn't include Sabrina, the friend she brought along from home, or the visiting friend from Ontario, all of which still couldn't figure out how to flush the trailer toilet properly.

Are you still a Lesbian when you become a man ?

I remember faithfully watching the Sonny and Cher show, debuting in 1971 as a summer replacement series, returning to prime time later that year because it was an immediate hit. But as all good things must come to an end, by the third season of the show, the marriage of Sonny and Cher was falling apart, and so did the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour.



During their marriage they had one daughter, Chastity Bono, born March 4, 1969. I really never heard or saw much of Chastity after the Sonny and Cher show, except in the early 1990's when rumors began flying she was a lesbian. She eventually was outed by Star Magazine in January 1990, which Chastity denied. However, in April 1995, she voluntarily came out to the world and is now an advocate for human and gay rights.

Earlier this week, a spokesman for the now 40-year old says he "has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity" and began the sex-change process earlier this year. Odd that she is now being referred to as a "HE", so does that make her an ex-lesbian? What do we call her...him? And just how do you get a penis anyway: donor? sew it on? a rib?

Sex reassignment surgery, also known as gender reassignment surgery, gender-change surgery, or sex-change operation, is a term for the surgical procedures by which a person's physical appearance and function of their existing sexual characteristics are altered to resemble that of the other sex.

The phalloplasty operation which is the gender change operation from female to male is the most demanding and difficult operation in the field of transsexuality.

It is the most expensive and fraught-with-danger surgery, building an entire penis out of your flesh. Phalloplasties are created from the patient's own skin- usually from the inner forearm or the thigh. Essentially, the skin is rolled and blood vessels are hooked up to keep a healthy flow as the skin heals together, forming an attachment. It creates something similar to- but also significantly different from- a biological penis.

Metoidioplasty is when the female takes the male hormone testosterone, their clitorises begin to grow in size and length, even growing a tiny 'head' like a biological penis. Though it varies, the new penis, often called a 'neophallus', can reach up to three inches, though it's more often only one to two.

Urethral lengthening is possible, which extends the urethra through either the neophallus or the phalloplasty so that they can actually pee through their penises the way that biological men do, rather than still from their 'vaginas'.

If you're going to get a penis, why not testicles, too. A scrotoplasty is possible, where surgeons take the labia and stretch them around small, round silicone implants, to create a ballsac and non-functioning testicles.

A Masectomy is required for the removal of breasts.

As interesting as this is, I chose not to include surgical pictures, they were just too damned gross, so instead, following is a picture of Chastity as a woman:



And here's how I suspect she will look like after the surgery:
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Hey! Who stole my bra ?!

My closet is full of old clothes. Nice, size 8 clothes that haven't seen the light of day in about 10 years. They are gradually being weeded out by my 16-year old daughter, who won't admit her own mom actually had some taste back when. But what I find sort of weird is that she has found an eagerness for my underwear drawer, you know, the bottom one you no longer open because it'll kill your back to bend over that far.

So now she wears my truly most favorite garment I had ever purchased for myself, a comfortable invention known as "The Wonderbra", which is a type of push-up underwire brassiere that gained worldwide prominence in the 1990s. The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC-TV) conducted an internet poll (2007), in which Canadian respondents ranked the Wonderbra 5th out of the top 50 "Greatest Canadian Inventions" (after Insulin, the light bulb and the telephone).



About my shoes.....I won't go there.

Conway Twitty...why not?

Strange Days

I have been watching movies on http://www.watch-movies-links.net/ and today decided to watch X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE. It's release date is scheduled for May 2009, but on this website we can usually view the movie first, because sometimes the movie is released in Switzerland earlier, or China, and we are then uploaded with a pirated copy with subtitles, or videos from theaters that include coughs, farting, baby cries, etc.

X-Men are popular movies, although I have only watched the original, with many scenes shot here in Vancouver, B.C., but I really didn't become a fan and didn't bother to watch the several X-Men movies that followed. Until now.

As I began watching the new WOLVERINE release, I noticed something quite odd. I could see wires stretching off a character who just did a quadruple flip, or I could see a "green screen" effect that DID NOT include the plane's movement although we were flying somewhere ... it was like a phony CGI (computer-generated imagery) that had not received it's final touch. And where one character was supposed to be tumbling down a log filled 18-Wheeler truck, we saw a blob of grey/silver goop, which probably would be filled in later at the editing stage with real images of said character.

How strange is that! Obviously someone close to production, or editing, stole a copy of this unfinished project and released it to this website. I have to say, I probably will enjoy watching this version more than the polished one.

My computer was a pain... I knew something was wrong when I kept getting "update your security" messages a billion times a day, making me think it's these frickin' security companies who are creating the viruses. Anyways, I had to do a system restore, which made me lose all my stuff, files, programs, emails, bookmarks, etc. etc., which is a pain in the butt. I decided to download my internet provider's security, Shaw Secure, which is a comprehensive, world-class online security that offers anti-virus, firewall, parental controls, and spam filtering features to Shaw Internet subscribers for free.

Except there's just one problem. You cannot have their security system if one already exists on your computer, which is a given, automatic version of McAfee software that comes with Windows XP. So when you try to get your own security system, exists a conflict with the one you didn't even know you had.

Fine. Get rid of McAfee.... go to ALL PROGRAMS - ACCESS AND DEFAULTS, and just delete the files. And most of them are removed, except for one.... McAfee Virus Scan.

I searched high and low for this god damned file, even the hidden ones, opened up DOS and tried to remove from the command line, at it's most basic level...mucking around in system32 where I should not be, with file names as long as a frenchman's birth certificate.

Use this instead:

Using McAfee Consumer Product Removal Tool
· Double click the MCPR.exe
· A Command Line window will be displayed, and then close automatically.
· Wait for a second Command Line window to be displayed. Note: Do not double-click MCPR.exe again, you may have to wait up to 1 minute for the next window to appear.
· After the second window appears, the program will begin the cleanup.
· Observe the installation, which could take several minutes. The following message will be displayed in the Command Line window: The machine must reboot to complete the un-installation. Reboot now? [y.n]
· Press Y on the keyboard.
· Wait for the computer to restart.
· All McAfee products are now removed from your computer.

I watched Earthquake today....the 1974 movie starring Charlton Heston, Ava Gardner, George Kennedy and Lorne Greene, amongst a cast of many popular stars during this era. Talk about lack of CGI...anyways, it struck me odd how Ava Gardner's character is portrayed as Lorne Greene's daughter....what the hay! Even her acting was an obvious attempt to be young(er), denying her glory days of glamor-wood. So I checked.

Lorne Greene birthdate: February 1915

Ava Gardner birthdate: December 1922

Charlton Heston birthday: October 1923.

What seemed more strange is how Charlton Heston's character is having an affair with Genevieve Bujold, born 1942.

Grouse Mountain Skiing and Snowboarding

Daniel took the kids to Grouse Mountain yesterday, where he shockingly expresses that it was the best snow he has ever been on....the weather, 18C, snowboarders where dancing the hills shirtless! The winds were as warm as a summer's lake boat ride, he says, as you somehow manifest yourself into an ice rink full of ice skaters, then a sleigh ride. What a glorious day.

Vancouver was covered in fog, thick clouds, as shown in the photos, and only those skiiers on Grouse were lucky enough to catch some sun. The clouds almost look like snow, a continuous ski run....















Following is copied from http://www.britishcolumbia.com/Ski/resorts/?id=4 for further info about Grouse Mountain.

At Grouse Mountain, on Vancouver's North Shore, the snow hills are made for thrills. Grouse Mountain offers outdoor adventures for everyone, including helicopter rides with breathtaking views of B.C.'s incredible mountains and valleys. The ultimate challenge awaits skiers and boarders on the Peak, and the snowboard park features a challenging mix of terrain.

Just a short distance from the Peak Chalet, you'll find yourself a world away in the Munday Alpine Snowshoe Park. With four different groomed trails to choose from, you'll discover something new each time you visit, and discover why snowshoeing is the fastest growing outdoor winter activity.

The famous Grouse Mountain Skyride provides a one-mile journey like no other. As you journey up the mountainside high above towering Douglas firs, breathtaking views unfold of snowy peaks, the city of Vancouver, the sparkling Pacific Ocean, and the Gulf Islands. North America's largest aerial tramway is your gateway to the majestic nature of the Peak of Vancouver, and an experience in itself. Whether you're in search of the perfect photo, or a romantic dinner at The Observatory, your adventure begins with the Skyride. Your General Admission provides you with complimentary access to a host of activities and excitement on top of Grouse Mountain.

There's no better way to experience winter than skating in the fresh mountain air on a smooth outdoor ice skating rink high above the city. So grab your skates and go for a glide on Grouse Mountain's 8,000-square-foot Ice Skating Pond - the only one of its kind on the West Coast. Come up for a romantic evening for two or a fun-filled day with the kids. The Ice Skating Pond is just a few steps from the warmth of the Peak Chalet, surrounded by snow-topped trees.

Bring winter alive on an enchanting sleigh ride through Grouse Mountain's snowy paradise. Take friends and family on a memorable journey around the mountaintop through snow-covered forests. You can also experience unforgettable sightseeing high above the peaks of Vancouver's North Shore Mountains in a helicopter ride of a lifetime. Helijet offers breathtaking tours that begin at The Peak of Vancouver.

Leaps and Boundaries

I haven't been watching television that much lately, mostly because I'm hooked on playing Texas Hold 'Em on the internet. I've become a fairly good player, but what's fun about the game is the people you meet at the table. And I have met several people from many different countries and backgrounds and age groups....dare I say species.

Most of the players are friendly, but there are some assholes who initiate chat just to confront and argue, probably in attempt to distract the other players from the game at hand. And, interestingly enough, I find most of them are young women, sexually flirty profiles, boobs and crouch shots used to solicit chips from the male players, the ones who use "nigga" or "dawg" a lot.

I tend to avoid those conversations, unless of course, one of them "dawgs" attack me simply because I won a hand, or because I wrote "ewwwwww" at a profile picture of an unshaven, bountiful black chick, wearing see through white pants, positioned for an enema. Now, some of these people are painfully stupid as they respond to my interpretation, "you my enema, nigga".

E-n-e-m-y dumb ass, not enema. Geesh. Make friends, not war.

I talked to a guy from the States and he's coming to Vancouver to attend UBC (University of British Columbia) for a Quantum physics conference, which is a branch of science that deals with discrete, indivisible units of energy called quanta as described by the Quantum Theory. I looked it up. And as we were discussing quantum things we were interrupted by some airhead who demanded we leave and to shove our university degrees up our arce.

I was rather impressed she said "arce", but more intrigued that she would think I had a degree, which I don't. And as I sat back and continued to play cards, avoiding her and the dawg's lame intellect, it dawned on me that the only reason she attacked us was because we are here to play cards, not learn.

Dirty White Boy

I watched a new show the other night, Homeland Security USA. Part of the episode focused on the efforts of Customs and Border Protection officers at the San Ysidro, Calif. U.S.-Mexico border crossing and the Blaine, Wash. U.S.-Canada border post, which I have crossed many, many times.

Why can't I ever see officers responding to a possible case of radiation, as the cameras show officers leaping from their office desks and running out a door towards the car.

"It doesn't take much to make a dirty bomb," one officer suggests. But following a commercial break, we learn the car was merely driven by a person who had undergone medical treatment. Unless you want a bunch of pistols pointed at your head, I wouldn't recommend a dentist visit on the same day you plan shopping at Walgreens across the divide.

Later, officers discover a car carrying more than $700,000 worth of cocaine. In the process of finding the contraband however, a female officer tells cameras that the car is "hopefully" stocked with drugs, barely containing her excitement. Hopefully? Why hopefully? Because you hope you didn't mistakenly rip apart a car?

And being the naughty Canadians that we are, why wasn't the identity of said drug smuggler made known? Was it because he was one of YOUR OWN folk re-entering the homeland, and while I'm at it, why were all the bad guys dark skinned and accented?

Don't ya just love reality T.V.

The absence of Al-Cracker, well, cracks me up.

The Fall - Fantastic Movie for the Family

A MUST SEE! largely due to the child starring in the movie, Catinca Untaru. The director purposely choose a non-actor, someone who had never been in a movie at all, someone who barely spoke English. And he intentionally cast her very young so that she hadn’t reached the age where she would be able to “act,” but instead is just reacting onscreen in every moment. Her performance is wondrous because it’s real.
You find yourself drawn to her and I doubt the movie wouldn't be as good without her.

The movie is about Roy Walker (Lee Pace), an early 20th century Hollywood stuntman, lands in the hospital after performing a dangerous stunt to impress his girlfriend. Distraught and suicidal after losing her, the bedridden Roy befriends a fellow patient, a young girl named Alexandria (Catinca Untaru). He enchants her with vivid, fantastical tales about five heroes — an Indian, an ex-slave named Ota Benga, an Italian explosives expert, a masked bandit, and Charles Darwin — who unite to fight a common enemy, Governor Odious. Although Roy has genuine affection for Alexandria, he also has an ulterior motive: by telling tales and gaining her trust, he tricks her into stealing morphine from the hospital pharmacy so he can commit suicide.
As the line between fact and fantasy blurs, real-life people begin to populate Roy's fictitious stories.

There are some fight scenes that may upset the younger viewers, also have some kleenex on hand because you will probably bawl your eyes out on some of the scenes.

Beautifully shot around the world, over two years:

Agra Fort, Agra, Uttar Pradesh, India
Agra, Uttar Pradesh, India
Andaman Islands, South Pacific, Pacific Ocean
Argentina
Bali, Indonesia
Brazil
Cambodia
Cape Town, South Africa
(hospital scenes)
Charles Bridge, Prague, Czech Republic
(Blue bandit jumps from bridge)
Chennai, Tamil Nadu, India
Chile
China
Egypt
Fatehpur Sikri, Agra, Uttar Pradesh, India
Fiji
Himalayas, Nepal
Hollywood, Los Angeles, California, USA
Italy
Jodhpur, Rajasthan, India
(blue city)
Ladakh, Jammu & Kashmir, India
Maldives
Mehrangarh Fort, Jodhpur, Rajasthan, India
Namibia
Paris, France
Prague, Czech Republic
Romania
South Africa
Turkey