There were other issues that bothered me, too, such as women my own age who insisted on calling me "dude", and women who really didn't drink alcohol but insisted on throwing caution to the wind and experiencing it at my campsite. One woman in particular had an Italian mother-in-law, 70's, crusty and loud. She understood English but mostly spoke Italian and she was always pissed off about something. I soon discovered a nifty trick of blurting out "parmesan", which would ease the old bag into softer recipe chat.
My ex brother-in-law, Steve, dropped by one day with two of his buddies. One was clean and sober, the other was one eyed and toothless. By one eyed I mean he squinted, occasionally opening one eye. I played a mental game of watching which eye would open, left, left, sometimes right, left, but never at the same time. It helped distract me from his mouth and my sordid desire to ask if he can whistle. He told me he was a twin, but that his brother had died in the womb and how he can feel his twin still kick him in the ribs. I didn't have the heart to explain it wasn't the ghost of his brother but rather his liver and kidneys retaliating. Surprisingly, Steve has wonderful teeth for a drunk, but bad instincts for picking buddies. People can only stand a drunk for so long before hinting for their departure turned into "get the fuck out of here".
Sabrina's best childhood friend came to visit from Sudbury, Ontario and since we were at camp, they also had to camp, which isn't all that difficult with a 29 foot trailer with sleeping arrangements for eight, two plasma TVs, XBox, Rockstar, Nintendo 360, Ipods, Iphones, two playstation portables and a laptop. Yet her friend wanted to play the "drinking game" called FUCK YOU. Now, I have allowed Sabrina to drink in the past, one or two under the supervision of me or hubby, but none of the teens in our neighbourhood even considered making a game out of it.
Here's how it went:
The game is best played with four or five people and all you need is booze, cards, and a person to count time. Lay the cards out in four rows and four columns and then deal out the rest of the deck. The counter flips over the first card in the first row and column and begins to count to three and if players have the card that was flipped they call out fuck you (fill in the name of the person you want to drink) which inevitably would be Sabrina.
The trick of the game is to be the last person to get to call fuck you to a person. If a person calls fuck you after the counter reaches three he must finish his drink.
What a stupid ass game! I could barely tolerate it, since it broke the one or two drinking rule previously established. But not wanting to be prudish, they continued until it was time for bed, or until the booze ran out. The game was never played again after that because her friend was up until 3am puking her guts out in the bathroom sink.
"Dude" woman proclaims to be a witch and one evening she decided to give us all a chakra healing or reading. Chakras are energy centers along the spine located at major branchings of the human nervous system, beginning at the base of the spinal column and moving upward to the top of the skull. The primary importance and level of existence of chakras is posited to be in the psyche. However, there are those who believe that chakras have a physical manifestation as well, which explained why she kept groping hubby and the father of Sabrina's friend.
My son Brandon has a friend at camp and they've known each other for years and since we both have seasonal sites, they see each other almost every weekend. There are also other families around us we have known or are acquainted with. One family just finalized a divorce; she got the trailer, he got the boat and ATVs. With the division of property it seemed to have finalized their marriage, something I don't think she really expected, nor the rest of us and her subsequent fiery behavior.
So now there were FOUR women I tried to avoid, all apparently riding the white saddle. And that didn't include Sabrina, the friend she brought along from home, or the visiting friend from Ontario, all of which still couldn't figure out how to flush the trailer toilet properly.
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